


Happier

by twentysevenclub



Series: Prinxiety One shots [3]
Category: Sander Sides, Thomas Sanders, prinxiety - Fandom
Genre: Angst, I lied about prinxiety being platonic, I wrote it in 5 minutes, I'm just sad and wanted to write something, M/M, Memories, Sad, Vagely based in the last videos, also prinxiety is mildly platonic here, anxiety attack, english is not my first language, get's really cheesy on the end, i dont know, i'm in love with this, it's totally canon here, may add more later, no regrettes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 21:06:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12992514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twentysevenclub/pseuds/twentysevenclub
Summary: Cause baby you look happier, you do.In which Anxiety feels they are better off without himor in which memories become too much to handle





	Happier

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! It's been a while since I had this idea but it wasn't until today that I got the guts to write it. I'm sad, this is shitty and there might be lots of mistakes buuut thanks for reading, I really appreciate you already because of that.

 Look how happy they were without you.

 Look, they don't even remember you're here.

 "are you okay?" He hears someone say, it's Logan

 I manage to shake my head.

  _Look at all those memories._

  _You're not in them._

  _And if you are, they just put you aside._

  _Because you're use **less**._

  _ **un** wanted._

  ** _a disorder._**

  _Just a **problem** in their perfect _ lives _._

 Let's count to fifteen

  _As if that's going to help._

 "what's going on?" Logan asks again but the knot in my throat increases as the seconds pass and all I want to do is scream but I know that my voice won't come out because of-fucking-course my voice never comes out when it should.

Maybe being mute would help me, it did at some point, but what a shame that I use my shitty personality as a form of protection.

_Protection? Of what? It's them who need protection from you._

Look at those pictures, Thomas is smiling without being self-conscious. 

Look at those awards, he won them because you weren't with him on stage.

Look at those old toys, they bring them back good memories because you weren't there to give them another meaning.

Now, look at you, drowning in your own self-pity because no one appreciates you enough to care about it.

"I need you to breathe," Says logic, but the thing is that I have no strength nor desire to breathe. "Virgil, it's just an anxiety attack so all you need to do is breathe"

How easy is for him to say so, he is not the one having it.

He is not the one feeling his throat close.

He is not the one feeling his whole body trembling.

He is not the one whose head is about to explode.

The doesn't feel too hot ye too cold at the same time.

He doesn't feel his vision become blurry and his ears make a beep sound.

It's too easy for him to tell me what to do but not to help me do it.

"C'mon Anxiety, I need you to concentrate" It's Roman

Why is he talking to me? 

He hates me, it's always been like that.

And going back through all those memories I think it has always been so obvious.

He had no problems before me, he could make Thomas go onto a stage without fear and be himself without fearing rejection.

Then Thomas had his 13th birthday, I just appeared, never went out from my corner fearing what that could do.

Time passed and the others started to notice some changes on his host, Logan justify said changes with the oh so called "adolescence", of course, everything fell into place on Thomas 15th birthday when he got so anxious about no one showing up that he ended up throwing up.

_"Hi my name is Anxiety and I'm part of Thomas personality"_

_"Oh, so you are the cause of Thomas lately failure" Said Roman_

_"A disorder can't be part of him" Followed Logan_

_"Your eye bags are sooo dark kiddo, are you okay?" Patton pointed out_

_"Great, another issue to deal with" Finished up Thomas_

"Look into my eyes and for one moment try to put your mind in blank, it's not easy, I know but I need you to stop thinking for one second" I started to hear Creativity's voice again

"J-just for o-one se-second?"I answer and I feel his grip, that I didn't felt before, tighten

"Yes, just for one second, can you do that for me?"I nodded not trusting my voice again and he smiled. "Now, look in my eyes and try to follow my breathing."

**_In_ **

_Maybe they don't hate me so much_

**_Out_ **

_Maybe I'm just overreacting, like I always do_

**_In_ **

_Maybe being a disorder is not that bad_

**_Out_ **

_Maybe I'm helpful and not something they need to get rid of_

**_In_ **

_Maybe...._

**_Out_ **

_Yeah, maybe._

"That's it Virge, it's all okay now" I start to feel tired, really tired.

It has always been like that, too many emotions in little of time cause this.

"Hey kiddo, are you okay?" I nod again and they all seem unsure of what to do

"Do you... Do you want to talk about it?" Says Logan and under other circumstances, I would make fun of him but not at this moment, it didn't feel right to be a jerk when he's trying.

It never felt right being honest, but it's the best way to hide that it hurts.

"C'mon, you should be tired, I'm going to guide you to your room"

"It's not as if I'm going to get lost"I murmur and Roman laughs a little.

"I just want to make sure you're okay"

"I'm always okay," I said in an almost mechanical way

"And that's why I need to make sure you really are"

"Why?" I say while we are walking

"Why what?"

"Why do you care?" He stops for a second and stares at me for another two.

"Why shouldn't I?" 

"Because you hate me" The look in your eyes is full of confusion and hurt.

"I don't hate you, why on earth would you think that?"

"You were all better off without me, I just bring hurt and problems to Thomas life"

"I won't say that things were easier when Thomas had no anxiety but if I'm being honest it was really tiring, he had no fear of conscuences and making him leave that reckless behaviour was the less fun I've ever had,, you're useful Anxiety, you are an important trait and apart from all the good thing you give to Thomas I really like you and never in a million years I could hate you"

"A million years is a long time"

"A million years with you is just a second" I giggle and he smiles

"So this was the issue? You thought we were better off without you?"

"You looked happier"

"Looks are not always the reflection of the feeling inside someone"

"I'm pretty sure positive feeling can only reflect when they are true"

"Positive feelings?"

"Yeah, like happiness, confidence, love, trust, you know, everything I'm not part of"

"Well, I differ with you, I'm in love with you and that makes you part of it"

I'm in love with you

**I ' m** i n l o **v e w** i t **h y** o u

_I'minlovewithyou_

"You're what?" I ask not believing what I've heard 

"I'm in love with you, I've been for some time now"

"Are you feeling okay?"I ask touching his forehead with the back of my hand in case he had a fever

"Never better"

"Am I dreaming?" I murmur to myself while inflicting pain on my arm to see if it's real

"Does this feels like a dream?" He disappears the space between us and while our lips are moving together all the maybes disappear and all the fear hides and all my regrets are just memories because when he let me breathe all I can do is shorten the distance again because I'm definitely not dreaming and if I am then I don't ever want to wake up.

Cause maybe they looked happier, they did but now I feel it too.

Cause maybe I'm happier, and he's too.

 


End file.
